Where's my cape?

Okay, so my latest conquest is to become

SUPER MOM!

I started working again.  I got a part time job at my Dad's office doing his invoicing and billing.  I absolutely LOVE it.  Mostly because it helps me feel productive.  Well, there are other reasons too, but that is the biggest one for me personally.  At first I was so frustrated because I couldn't remember everything I was being taught.  But then I came to a realization.  I know that moms joke that their kids turn their minds to mush, but they really do.  My brain is completely OUT OF SHAPE!  There is definately a learning curve at the office and more juggling with the kids, but it's worth it.

Right now their main babysitter is Tonya, and they love her.  In fact, Tess definately prefers her to me, since Tonya plays with her and I don't.  Tonya is really tall (over 6 ft.) so at first Tess just called her "tall girl", it was pretty cute.  I love that I can trust Tonya with the kids and they adore her.  I only work 4 days a week for 4-5 hours a day, so I'm only gone about half the day.  When school starts I will work while the kids are at school.  I'm still in search for a sitter for Tess once school starts.

I love using parts of my brain that have been dormant for FOREVER.  I love interacting with more adults than kids.  I love feeling productive; coming in to a full inbox, and seeing it empty at the end of the day.  IT'S FANTASTIC! 

Right now I'm not overwhelmed, but when the school year starts and projects, homework, and activities start piling up I might change my mind. 

So if I pull of this Super Mom thing, anybody want to make me a cape?

Self Analyzing

I self analyze a little too much I think, which is probably why I am so critical of myself. But in all the introspection comes a few insights. Like this one for example.

I hate being alone, it makes my depression worse.

I still feel alone surrounded by my kids. I feel alone sitting in my bedroom with my parents upstairs watching t.v. I basically feel alone whenever I am not with my friends / extended family/ or my husband. In part of my analyzing about this I really think this is a key reason why I do struggle with depression.

As much as I crave "me" time and "quiet" time, the minute I get it, I'm lonely. I took some "me" time this week to go see Eclipse (yes, you are all shocked because I swore I never would --- but hey, it looked good, so I caved). I was so sad the whole time, because I was alone. I was grateful for the kid break, but my spirit wasn't rejuvinated like I wanted it to be because I wasn't sharing it with anyone.

Today we went to a friends Baptism to show our love and support. Afterward they had a dinner for everyone at their house and they invited us to join in (me and the kids that is). We were the only "non-family" there. At first I felt a little self-concious about that, but I go over it pretty fast. Everyone was very kind and friendly to us. I got to sit and listen to and talk to other friends and adults, and the kids had a blast with all their friends and their friends cousins. Before we left I thanked my friend for letting us "horde" in on their family day. She told me we weren't hording in and that we were just adopted family. I cried all the way home, I'm crying now. I needed to feel included. I needed to feel not alone.

Maybe part of my growth process during this deployment is finding peace with myself when I am alone. To be okay with being alone and not feel lonely. But it is so hard sometimes. I just want Ron home.

Need to Do Something

I have a great desire to do something, but I don't know what, and I don't know how.

Soldiers are being killed, almost every week, in Afghanistan.  I think 10th Mountain's 1st Brigade is up to 8 casualties in 4 months.  I get an email every time there are casualties.  As soon as I see it in my in box, I feel my heart sink.  This week it was SGT Donald Edgerton and SSG Jesse Ainsworth; both of whom were husbands and fathers.  Ron has served as a notification officer before, and I'm just devestated for these families that get that horrible knock on their door.

I want to do something for their families, and to honor their service.  I just don't know what I could do.  I'm just me.  I think I could make a little bit of difference, but how? 

I will concider any and all suggestions.  You want to help me too?

Tyson Ordained

Tyson was ordained to the office of a Deacon in the Aaron Priesthood on Sunday, June 13th 2010.  Several family members were able to come, which made it very special for me and for Tyson.  I can't believe Ty is already 12.  Doesn't he look so grown up?  I told him he'll be as tall as me by the time his dad gets home.

These are the phenomenal, wonderful, spectaclar priesthood holders in my family that came to be in the circle to ordain Tyson.  Lots of family couldn't come, and you were missed, but we understand.

L-R, Jason Coleman (cousin), Andrew Vaughan (brother), Robin Vaughan (dad), Bob Coleman (uncle), and Troy Vaughan (grandpa).

Obviously there were more family members there that I didn't photograph.  Thank you Jason and Dawn for dragging your whole family down for just a few hours, I REALLY appreciate it.  Thanks to Aunt Kathi and Uncle Bob, cousin Sara, Andy and Alec and my Grandparents for making the effort to come.  I love you all so much.  Tyson was very overwhelmed that so many people came just for his special day.

A special side note.  My grandfather was baptized just a few years ago and this was the first time I got to see him participate in a Priesthood Ordinance.  Usually he was the one in the back ground taking pictures, but not anymore.  It was so special to have him in the circle standing next to his son, grandson, and great grandson.  It was a very special day.

Cub Camp Wrap Up

We made it through Cub Scout Camp!  It was actually a good week.  I had a FANTASTIC group of boys.  I kept bragging about them because I never had to yell once, or stop an argument or fighting.  Everyone got along great and listened to instructions and had a great week.  We were definately exhausted at the end of each day, I collapsed on the couch for a few hours, but it was worth it - especially because of what it taught Tyson.

Tyson was made a Den Chief for a group of Bears, most of whom were 7 or 8 years old.  He did an awesome job being in charge and helping his Den Leader round up the boys for all their activities.  After the second or third day Tyson was talking to me on our way home from camp.  He informed me that he had no idea taking care of kids could be "so mentally exhausting!"  I said, "Really?  Now you know how I feel.  Its just as exhausting when they're your own kids as well."  And then he was quiet the rest of the way home.  Abut a week later Tyson came up to me and told me that he would do whatever he could to help me, because he knew I worked so hard.  And he really has been so incredibly helpful, I am so grateful he is my son.  To top it all off, on Sunday at church he bore his testimony about this exact experience and how he remembered the commandment to "Honor thy Father and thy Mother".  He said he was so grateful for me and that he wanted to do everything he could to help me take care of everyone until his dad got home.  I am so proud of him and I am impressed with how responsible and trustworthy he is.  I know his daddy is proud of him too.  After church I gave him a huge hug and told him how much I love him.  I also told him this is exactly the kind of experiences he should write down in his journal.

I would do 100 Cub Scout camps if I knew I would get this result.  It was sooo worth it.  Thanks Becky for having a baby so my son could have that experience.