Most of you already know this, but for some unknown reason I feel the need to confess this to the world wide web. I take anti-depressants. I have been on and off them for years now. I take myself off every once in a while when I think I can conquer things myself, which always ends badly by the way. So I have been off my meds since my pregnancy in May, and needless to say I should have been on them. I get really frustrated with myself that I just can't snap out of my depression or when I can't control my emotions. I even blame myself, I think its because I'm "weak" or "defective".
One of my biggest problems is lack of interest. There are tons of things I want to do, I just can't get myself to do them. I think of these great things I could do for my kids, and I imagine myself being this "super mom" and then I can't do it. I just want to lay on my bed or sit on the couch and do nothing. And my kids deserve better, and my husband deserves better.
So I finally started taking my meds again, and I had some bad side effects - pain in the butt!! So I made it to the doctor and he switched me to a new brand. Now I wake up every morning hopeing to feel better. This is absolutely the worst time for me to be struggling with this. We were suppose to have the house on the market this week, and its not going to happen. Mostly because I haven't finished my projects yet. I have tons of painting to do, and I just don't want to do it. And I need to start packing and making arrangements for our move. So I am hopeing that I will be feeling better very very soon. I do desperately wish that I didn't have to take anti-depressants to feel whole and normal. But I also know that its not because I'm weak or defective, and I need to take them so I can be the mom my kids deserve.
8 comments:
Grace. Would you feel bad for needing insulin if you had diabetes? It's okay. You're okay. We're all okay. And sometimes our medicine stops working and we need to find a new one and that's okay. Keep going.
Wish I could be there to help you...or help motivate you! And it's really normal...LOTS of our friends are on them. Some days I think I should be on them...=) But you are normal. Hang in there..they take a while to kick in, right? At least you have means to help you. Try not to get overwhelmed..anyone would in getting a house ready to move. Can't you hire someone to paint for you? Try that while you focus on you right now.
Grace you are a good mom who has hard challenges.We can't wait for you to get ought hear and live this faboulus California life style. Other than that you need to read Mathew Cowley Man of Faith. The lord can do things for you that you never imagined if you will only ask & act. I am sure you have already done alot of asking but sometimes it takes more asking and more faith.We love you. Mason & Melina
I concur with ~j and meg. You're not weak, by any means. The fact that you're willing to work on finding a solution - - well, that's awesome. I too wish I could come help you and make it easier. Love you, as always. ♥KER
Having depression is not the result of a lack of faith. Please remember that.
My sweet Grace. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you but remember who you are--a Daughter of Heavenly Father, you are special! There will be many times that we may not feel special those are the times that we have to remember the most. There is no wrong in taking medication that will help, there are many people that don't know there is help. I love your Mantra, "find joy in the journey". I know you will find peace if not now, later on and everything will be fine, you'll see. :) Until then hang in there and do as much as you can that's all we can do.
I read an entry and just thought to ask you or maybe give you a thought on maybe going to an endocrinologist and have them run a full thyroid and adrenal gland function panel on you. I'm not saying this is the cause of your depression as I'm not a doctor but it could be a thyroid or even adrenal gland issue not working correctly (adrenal fatigue or hypothyroidism) can cause many of the symptoms you seem to have written about. Many doctors don't look at that..and if it happened to be that..they could take you off the anti depressants and treat the hormone issue with a supplementary hormone.. I wish you the best of luck and even if it's just plain and outright depression.. don't be so hard on yourself..many people have it and it's not because of anything you ever did ... : )
I think being in the military creates an entire set of issues that most moms don't have. Try not to be so hard on yourself...
I have a motto: Better living through chemistry.
And, I have a magnet at work that says: "Medicated for your safety."
Post a Comment