Some days are really hard, harder than most. When Ron's gone life takes on a "new" normal. Which mostly involves me hiding from the kids while they run around crazy, and then MEAN mommy comes out of her hiding place and the kids are running and screaming for another reason. Loneliness is the hardest part, and knowing how different the real normal is from the "new" normal. Everything is better when he is home,and when he's not its just..........................
I find myself complaining and being bitter a lot lately. I blame everything that goes wrong on the Army and the fact that Ron is gone all the time. I've heard several Army wives say their husbands are home a year, gone a year. I use to feel so sorry for those women. Now I am one. Heres a recap of our lovely 7 years in the Army
May '02 join Army
August '02-January '03 gone for Basic Training and OCS
*Major events - missed birth of Emma in October
February '03-August'04 stationed at Ft. Bliss
August '04-November '05 - Korea
Nov. '05-June '06 stationed at Ft. Bliss for CCC
*Major events - made Captain, and pregnant with Tess
July'06-August '07 stationed at Ft. Drum
*Major events - birth of Tess in December
August '07-October '08 - Iraq
October '08 - December '09 stationed at Ft. Drum
December '09- ? Iraq again
So I get pretty bitter and angry most days about my life. How its not at all what I wanted or still want for me or my kids. I hear myself thinking that "if my husband were just home, I could do x, x, and x!" Then I realize how incredibly awful that sounds. How many amazing single moms are out there that still manage to live their best life and make their dreams come true. Why can't I? I'm still desperately trying to find my way on this one. A few things I know for sure are: I HATE who I become when Ron is gone, I HATE the mom that I am when Ron is gone, my kids deserve better than this, and I have to find a way to make things better for all of us.
I just don't know how. And I really don't know how while Ron is in the Army.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Tonight I read a funny little book to the girls and I would like to share some with you, my loyal readers and followers.
Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
....
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, its true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
....
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite alot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
...
On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
...
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!!
I feel like that book right now. I am in a slump and all alone. But there are moments when I feel my potential and I know I can go to great places. I am hopeing and praying that I get myself unslumped soon and start climbing mountains again. Anybody want to climb with me?
Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
....
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, its true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
....
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite alot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
...
On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
...
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!!
I feel like that book right now. I am in a slump and all alone. But there are moments when I feel my potential and I know I can go to great places. I am hopeing and praying that I get myself unslumped soon and start climbing mountains again. Anybody want to climb with me?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Football, football, football
Okay, so I promised an explanation on the football situation. And I'll try to keep it brief, I know I tend to ramble - sorry!! Tyson has wanted to play football for years, but we always seem to miss the chance. This year it looked like it might happen. I was just about ready to sign him up for the local Pop Warner league, when we found out some of their games were on Sunday - bummer! When I told Tyson he was a little disappointed, but understood that we don't play sports on Sundays, so he couldn't do it. We found a little light at the end of the tunnel, there were week long sports camps up on post and they had a football camp. We went through the whole rigga-ma-roll of registering them with Youth Services (a huge pain in the tookis) and he went to football camp and Zach and Emma went to a soccer camp. Two days into the football camp the coach approached Tyson and asked him why he wasn't signed up to play on the football team. He told him it was because he didn't play sports on Sundays (I was so proud of him!!). So after practice Tyson told me the coach wanted to talk to me (I got a little nervous, what could Tyson have done?), but he just wanted to talk to me about letting Ty play on the team. He told me what Tyson had said, asked if it was correct, I said yes, and then the most amazing thing happened. The coach asked if I would let him play on the team if he would let Ty miss the Sunday games!! I was completely shocked that he would do that. The only clincher is that all the playoff games are on Sundays, so he would miss all of those, but Tyson was okay with that. Oh, and they do have their home games on Saturday, its the away games that are mostly on Sundays. So Tyson was OVER THE MOON about the chance to play football, and willingly sacrificed boy scouts until the season is over. Now, wait for it, wait for it, there is always a catch!!
Lets talk practices. Practice is up at Ft. Drum, we live 15 minutes from Post. Practice for the entire month of August and until school starts after Labor Day is Monday thru Friday, 6-8 pm. Yup, I get to drive up to Ft. Drum every night, and drag the kids along for the ride, because of course Ron is gone all month at JRTC. I try to stay occupied during those two hours up on post so I don't spend more gas driving all the way home and back to pick him up. But going to the commissary and Super WalMart (right out the gate) only takes up so much time. So needless to say, I am pretty sick of football practice. I did pay a young man from church to take him once a week so we can have a little break, but its not enough of a break to keep us all sane. And then we encountered more problems..... (I'm starting to ramble, sorry!)
Tyson wants to quit. You heard me, quit. After all we went through to get him registered and signed up on the team, all the gear we had to buy, and all the gas and time that the whole family has sacrificed - he wants to QUIT!!! The first week of practice was physically challenging, he was sore and completely exhausted. I got him through the first week by telling him it would get better and his body just needed to adjust. Well, then this week they started practicing in full gear and they started tackling. That first practice he called me 4 times, crying, begging me to come get him, telling me he couldn't do it, and he wanted to quit. It took many conversations with me, one long one with Ron over the phone and the entire next day to convince him he needed to go back to practice and try again. He did make the request that we have a special family prayer for him right before practice, which we did. The current deal is that at the end of the week we will revisit the quiting issue. If he chooses to quit, there are conditions attached: 1- he has to personally tell the coach that he quits, he can't just stop showing up to practices. 2- he has to pay us back for all the gear and gas money, so far it totals around $200. 3- the next time he says he wants to play a sport or take lessons for something, the answer will probably be no. However, I think he might make it. This week has gotten better and better, and tonight they are having a mock team scrimmage. He is really excited for this, and tonight he will find out his final position on the team.
Football is turning out to be quite the learning experience for both me and Tyson. I must admit that when Tyson said he wanted to quit, I was thrilled - no more daily practice!! But I also didn't want him to quit something just because it was hard. I have to thank my brother Andy and his wife Jenna for hearing me out, being understanding and giving me advice on how to deal with it. I should clarify, Jenna was understanding and heard me out, Andy gave awesome advice. To quote my brother, it came down to one thing "Am I raising a man or a boy?" He told me sometimes you have to "put their feet to the fire" and let them struggle and learn. He was right of course, I just really hate having to do this all on my own. I really, really, really, hate the Army right now, but that's a whole other post. So, sorry, lots of rambling, but that's the whole story. I'll let you know what happens!!!
Lets talk practices. Practice is up at Ft. Drum, we live 15 minutes from Post. Practice for the entire month of August and until school starts after Labor Day is Monday thru Friday, 6-8 pm. Yup, I get to drive up to Ft. Drum every night, and drag the kids along for the ride, because of course Ron is gone all month at JRTC. I try to stay occupied during those two hours up on post so I don't spend more gas driving all the way home and back to pick him up. But going to the commissary and Super WalMart (right out the gate) only takes up so much time. So needless to say, I am pretty sick of football practice. I did pay a young man from church to take him once a week so we can have a little break, but its not enough of a break to keep us all sane. And then we encountered more problems..... (I'm starting to ramble, sorry!)
Tyson wants to quit. You heard me, quit. After all we went through to get him registered and signed up on the team, all the gear we had to buy, and all the gas and time that the whole family has sacrificed - he wants to QUIT!!! The first week of practice was physically challenging, he was sore and completely exhausted. I got him through the first week by telling him it would get better and his body just needed to adjust. Well, then this week they started practicing in full gear and they started tackling. That first practice he called me 4 times, crying, begging me to come get him, telling me he couldn't do it, and he wanted to quit. It took many conversations with me, one long one with Ron over the phone and the entire next day to convince him he needed to go back to practice and try again. He did make the request that we have a special family prayer for him right before practice, which we did. The current deal is that at the end of the week we will revisit the quiting issue. If he chooses to quit, there are conditions attached: 1- he has to personally tell the coach that he quits, he can't just stop showing up to practices. 2- he has to pay us back for all the gear and gas money, so far it totals around $200. 3- the next time he says he wants to play a sport or take lessons for something, the answer will probably be no. However, I think he might make it. This week has gotten better and better, and tonight they are having a mock team scrimmage. He is really excited for this, and tonight he will find out his final position on the team.
Football is turning out to be quite the learning experience for both me and Tyson. I must admit that when Tyson said he wanted to quit, I was thrilled - no more daily practice!! But I also didn't want him to quit something just because it was hard. I have to thank my brother Andy and his wife Jenna for hearing me out, being understanding and giving me advice on how to deal with it. I should clarify, Jenna was understanding and heard me out, Andy gave awesome advice. To quote my brother, it came down to one thing "Am I raising a man or a boy?" He told me sometimes you have to "put their feet to the fire" and let them struggle and learn. He was right of course, I just really hate having to do this all on my own. I really, really, really, hate the Army right now, but that's a whole other post. So, sorry, lots of rambling, but that's the whole story. I'll let you know what happens!!!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I Lost
Today I lost my first battle with the kids over appropriate church clothing. Now, granted it was a battle with Tess over church shoes, but I still lost. I lost because I was out numbered, out of time, and out of patience. Tess was running around the house in her mock croc's and playing right before we had to leave. When I tried to wrestle her down to put her church shoes on, she kept running away and screaming. I was already running late for church (don't worry I made it in time) so I just grabbed her church shoes, shoved them in one of my many bags, grabbed her and headed out the door. The crocs stayed on all through Sacrament Meeting, but just as she was leaving for nursery I asked if I could put on her "pretty" church shoes and she said yes. So on they went, and off she went to nursery. It was a small battle, and I guess I won in the end, but I'm sure its not going to be the last battle that I'll loose. My only consolation is that I made it to my 4th child before I lost one of these battles - yea me!!!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
BLAH
I realized its been over a week with no new post, which is unusual for me. But I don't have much to say, so I'll say BLAH!!!!!!!!
The comings and goings at the Crowther house aren't too exciting this summer. Although crammed into one short paragraph they will seem exciting. The middle of July Tyson attended a football camp for a week. The hard part about that was the practice was from 5:30-7:30 pm, yuckie time, but we managed. The most amazing thing about the camp was Tyson was asked to be on the football team, which he is over the moon about, but I am very grumpy about - I'll explain in another post. The following week Zach and Emma both attended a soccer camp, much better time 9-12. It was nice only having Tyson and Tess for a few hours, I got alot more errands done.
This week started off very sucky - Ron left Saturday night for JRTC (no idea what it stands for). It is a month long training exercise at Fort Polk, LA. He gets home the very end of the month. And then starting on Monday, my real hell began, daily football practice. Every night we get to drive back up to Fort Drum and hang around for 2 hours while Tyson has football practice from 6-8 and then we come home and go to bed. I am staying busy during the day trying to finish every half finished project I have - it may take till Christmas!! The project of the day is painting my entryway and my stairway and upstairs hallway. I did take before pictures so if it looks nice when I'm done I'll post the after pictures.
So my summer has turned out to be: driving my kids everywhere, being a single parent again (my very favorite thing in the whole wide world), trying to stay productive so I won't kill my kids, enjoying the gorgeous weather, and desperately trying to not miss all my friends and family while they have fun adventures without me. Boohoo for me!!!
The comings and goings at the Crowther house aren't too exciting this summer. Although crammed into one short paragraph they will seem exciting. The middle of July Tyson attended a football camp for a week. The hard part about that was the practice was from 5:30-7:30 pm, yuckie time, but we managed. The most amazing thing about the camp was Tyson was asked to be on the football team, which he is over the moon about, but I am very grumpy about - I'll explain in another post. The following week Zach and Emma both attended a soccer camp, much better time 9-12. It was nice only having Tyson and Tess for a few hours, I got alot more errands done.
This week started off very sucky - Ron left Saturday night for JRTC (no idea what it stands for). It is a month long training exercise at Fort Polk, LA. He gets home the very end of the month. And then starting on Monday, my real hell began, daily football practice. Every night we get to drive back up to Fort Drum and hang around for 2 hours while Tyson has football practice from 6-8 and then we come home and go to bed. I am staying busy during the day trying to finish every half finished project I have - it may take till Christmas!! The project of the day is painting my entryway and my stairway and upstairs hallway. I did take before pictures so if it looks nice when I'm done I'll post the after pictures.
So my summer has turned out to be: driving my kids everywhere, being a single parent again (my very favorite thing in the whole wide world), trying to stay productive so I won't kill my kids, enjoying the gorgeous weather, and desperately trying to not miss all my friends and family while they have fun adventures without me. Boohoo for me!!!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Blast from the Past
Remember the good old days when life was simple, peaceful, and safe? I feel like it is so hard to find days like that anymore for my kids. But here in Watertown, I find them quite a bit, especially in the summer. One of the best things we get to enjoy in the summer is the beauty of the Drive-In Movie Theatre. Its fun, its safe, and most importantly it is family friendly.
It is so cheap - $16 for the whole family. They get all the new releases. You can bring in all the food and drinks that you want, or buy some from their super cheap concession stand. We get there around 8, and set up our spot. We fold down the seats in the back of the van for the kids and they snuggle up with blankets and pillows. Ron and I pull out the camp chairs and sit back and relax. We bring footballs or glow in the dark sticks and the kids just run around and play until the movie starts. All the other kids are running around having fun too, and by the time the movie starts, Emma usually has 3 or 4 new best friends. So far this summer we've seen Up and Harry Potter. I'm sure we'll be going at least one more time before it closes for the season.
It is so cheap - $16 for the whole family. They get all the new releases. You can bring in all the food and drinks that you want, or buy some from their super cheap concession stand. We get there around 8, and set up our spot. We fold down the seats in the back of the van for the kids and they snuggle up with blankets and pillows. Ron and I pull out the camp chairs and sit back and relax. We bring footballs or glow in the dark sticks and the kids just run around and play until the movie starts. All the other kids are running around having fun too, and by the time the movie starts, Emma usually has 3 or 4 new best friends. So far this summer we've seen Up and Harry Potter. I'm sure we'll be going at least one more time before it closes for the season.
I told Ron that when we retire, we need to open our own Drive-In and that can be our little side business. Wouldn't that be fun? Anyone want in on the ground floor - we welcome all partners!!
Of course the movies start after Tess' bedtime, so she just likes to chill until the movie starts. She stayed awake for over half of Harry Potter, I was impressed!!
Like I said, Emma has already made a new friend within 10 minutes of arrival.
This time the kids put their camping chairs inside the van. It worked out pretty well.
Perfect view of the screen. I love the summer!!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
4th of July Fun!!
4th of July is my favorite holiday to celebrate here in Watertown. I must say that Upstate New York knows how to celebrate the 4th. The coolest thing is that since fire works are illegal here (what isn't?) each village and city does its own fire works show. To make it even better, they all coordinate and have their shows on different nights. If you were willing to drive up to half an hour away, you could see fire works every night for almost 2 weeks straight. So the big bash in Watertown happens up at our favorite park, just a mere 1/4 mile from our house. The ward makes it a big event and everyone comes and lays out their blankets, eats goodies, plays games, listens to the Syracuse Symphony and then watch the amazing fire works. Its a blast!!
Tess with our favorite person in the whole ward, and the best babysitter around, Cassie McAfee. She moved just last week and we already miss her!!! BYU Idaho is getting one amazing girl - knock em dead Cassie!!!
Uno was the game of choice this year. Tyson has his back to the camera and Emma is to the left.
Zach mooched his way into a huge ice cream sandwich, courtesy of Cassie. I guess our chips, licorice, and starbursts weren't good enough.
Sunset over Watertown. The park is on top of a huge hill overlooking the town. There is a big open field where they hold the concert and shoot off the fire works.
The Syracuse Symphony. They always do a great job. It reminds me a lot of the Redlands bowl growing up (for all you non-Redlands, CA residents I'm not going to explain).
Tess and her friend Madaline dancing to the music.
By sunset is was nearing 9:30 and Tess was way past her bed time. She hung in and made it to the main event. And yes Tess is wearing a sweater, I think the high that day was low 70's and the evenings get down to the low 60's - sweat shirts are a must!!
I spent most of the show trying to get a perfect picture of the fire works. I didn't get a perfect one, but I got several good ones. This one reminds me of going into light speed on Star Wars.
The best part of the whole night, was I didn't get bitten by a single mosquito!! Yippie!
Tess with our favorite person in the whole ward, and the best babysitter around, Cassie McAfee. She moved just last week and we already miss her!!! BYU Idaho is getting one amazing girl - knock em dead Cassie!!!
Uno was the game of choice this year. Tyson has his back to the camera and Emma is to the left.
Zach mooched his way into a huge ice cream sandwich, courtesy of Cassie. I guess our chips, licorice, and starbursts weren't good enough.
Sunset over Watertown. The park is on top of a huge hill overlooking the town. There is a big open field where they hold the concert and shoot off the fire works.
The Syracuse Symphony. They always do a great job. It reminds me a lot of the Redlands bowl growing up (for all you non-Redlands, CA residents I'm not going to explain).
Tess and her friend Madaline dancing to the music.
By sunset is was nearing 9:30 and Tess was way past her bed time. She hung in and made it to the main event. And yes Tess is wearing a sweater, I think the high that day was low 70's and the evenings get down to the low 60's - sweat shirts are a must!!
I spent most of the show trying to get a perfect picture of the fire works. I didn't get a perfect one, but I got several good ones. This one reminds me of going into light speed on Star Wars.
The best part of the whole night, was I didn't get bitten by a single mosquito!! Yippie!
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