My Slow Progress, and a Little Bit of Memory Lane

Can you think back on your life and find things that you are proud of yourself for accomplishing?

I can think of only one.  Don't get me wrong I have done plenty of things, but I don't consider any of them accomplishments.  And don't bring up the deployments, because I don't think that I accomplished anything with those, I simply SURVIVED them.  Most things in my life I simply make it through, or survive.  There is only one that I feel like "I did it!"  " I accomplished this hard task."  For me that task was getting my Bachelors Degree.

A little back story for you.  Ron and I met our first week of Freshman Year of College.  I was a 17 year old freshman, he was a 21 year old freshman.  We married that next summer, and had Tyson two years after that.  Ron made a promise to my dad when we got engaged that I would finish my college degree.  I promised the same thing, but having Ron say that he would support me in that goal was a big deal.  Tyson was born when I was a Jr. at BYU.  He was an angel baby and with the help of my siblings who babysat for me, I kept going to school full time.  Then Zach was born my last semester of BYU.  Luckily my last semester was only 2 classes, both at night only once a week.  Finishing my degree was not easy.  The school work wasn't difficult it was managing being a wife, mother, and student that got the better of me many times.  I struggled alot with feeling overwhelmed and incapable of doing everything that was expected of me.  Many, many, many times as I walked back up the hill to our apartment after my day on campus, I would just cry and cry.  I would visualize in my head the day that I had my last class, when I was finished, and I could call my dad and tell him that I had done it!  I visualized that image alot, and every time I would cry, just thinking about the relief and the pride that I would feel knowing I had accomplished that goal of mine.  I still cry when I think about those days.  I wanted the picture of me in cap and gown with my 3 boys standing by my side.  I got that picture, and it's priceless to me.

Well, now I am training for a half marathon and trying desperately to loose 40 pounds.  Today was a hard run for me.  I've had a hard few weeks and last week I let my depression get the better of me and I didn't run at all.  So today was back to the pavement, and I felt the pain!  About a mile in I was dying - legs like lead, chest killing me, couldn't get my breath.  So I started to visualize that picture in my head - running past the finish line, seeing my entire family there cheering me on (because I will be the last of us to finish, I'm sure), and knowing that I did it!!  I finished!  I accomplished something that I didn't think I could do!!!  As I started visualizing my grand finish, I started crying.  Have you ever tried to run while your crying?  I don't recommend it.  Basically I had to take a little break and walk for a bit before I could start running again.  But I kept that image in my head the whole run, and I will keep it in my head for the next few months.  That image is what will get me through, keep me pushing, and hopefully get me past that finish line.