Great Day

This is starting out to be a great day!!  I am feeling a lot better, which makes me very happy.  And, I have chocolate chip bannana bread in the oven, which smells fantastic!!  And we are finally getting a good snow storm, with the big fluffy flakes and everything!  Oh, it makes me so happy to just watch the snow fall.  I am going to miss the weather here terribly, it makes me sad to even think about it.  Oh, and Tess hasn't had an accident yet today - yippie!!  She had 5 accidents yesterday, so any success is worth celebrating.  Most importantly I am trying to find joy in my journey and cherish the small things in my daily life - like fresh banana bread and beautiful snow.

I did have to eat some "humble pie" as my sister put it.  I knew admiting my depression problems would have some back lash, but I didn't expect this back lash.  My parents read the blog and got worried about me.  I dont know why having my parents know I'm having a hard time is so much worse than my friends knowing, but it is.  So they offered to have my mom fly out and help me with all my projects.  I would love help, but asking for help is very difficult for me - very difficult.  I told my dad how bad I felt that my mom would have to fly across the country to help their pathetic daughter.  In typical dad fashion he told me to get over it.  And I do need to get over it.  I have a fantastic family that just wants to help me and I need to accept their help.  So my fantastic sister Jacque is coming next weekend, and now my mom might come out too.  So I am very grateful for my family and their willingness to help me.

It is a good day.  And now that I think about it, pizza for dinner would make it even better!!!

Confession

Most of you already know this, but for some unknown reason I feel the need to confess this to the world wide web.  I take anti-depressants.  I have been on and off them for years now.  I take myself off every once in a while when I think I can conquer things myself, which always ends badly by the way.  So I have been off my meds since my pregnancy in May, and needless to say I should have been on them.  I get really frustrated with myself that I just can't snap out of my depression or when I can't control my emotions.  I even blame myself, I think its because I'm "weak" or "defective". 

One of my biggest problems is lack of interest.  There are tons of things I want to do, I just can't get myself to do them.  I think of these great things I could do for my kids, and I imagine myself being this "super mom" and then I can't do it.  I just want to lay on my bed or sit on the couch and do nothing.  And my kids deserve better, and my husband deserves better. 

So I finally started taking my meds again, and I had some bad side effects - pain in the butt!!  So I made it to the doctor and he switched me to a new brand.  Now I wake up every morning hopeing to feel better.  This is absolutely the worst time for me to be struggling with this.  We were suppose to have the house on the market this week, and its not going to happen.  Mostly because I haven't finished my projects yet.  I have tons of painting to do, and I just don't want to do it.  And I need to start packing and making arrangements for our move.  So I am hopeing that I will be feeling better very very soon.  I do desperately wish that I didn't have to take anti-depressants to feel whole and normal.  But I also know that its not because I'm weak or defective, and I need to take them so I can be the mom my kids deserve.  

Random pics

Tess got a trampoline for Christmas and she loves it. She loves jumping on it but she also loves making a tent over it and hiding inside. On New Years Eve, she made a tent and then fell asleep inside. And of course she is wearing her mandatory princess dress - its a daily must lately.

And here's Tess with her "dampa".  She can't wait to go live at his house!!

Tyson's story

Tyson loves to write stories.  His class wrote Folk tales and submitted them online to Scholastic Books.  Tysons was one of the stories that they put on their website.  So here is the link if you want to read a good short folk tale.

http://teacher.scholastic.com/writewit/mff/folktale_readrep.asp?id=48321&age=11&Page=1

3rd Times the Charm

Started potty training Tess again today.  It has been a HUGE success so far.  4 successes, no accidents.  I think she and I are both finally ready to ditch the diapers.  I really hope that 3 times is the charm, and not 3 strikes your out!!

Helping

Today I made some cookies and Tess was my little "helper".  Why is it that the little ones like to help in the kitchen but the older/more capable ones don't?  Anyway.... 

So when it came to putting in the eggs, at first she was doing great and just handed them to me.  But then she grabbed one and cracked it on the counter.  I told her no and that she couldn't crack the eggs. 

She looked at me and said, " I have to hatch it!!"  Its so fun to see her little brain work :-)  And of course I forgave her for making the mess.

Jesus Wants Me For A...

SUNBEAM!!  My youngest is a Sunbeam!!  This year will be a first for many things, including: my youngest entering Primary, and my oldest leaving it.  I really can't wrap my head around how fast time goes.  So here is our cute little Sunbeam, who really didn't get what all the fuss was about.  All she knew was that she didn't get to play with toys at church anymore.  :-)

She kept raising her arms like they do in the Sunbeam song.

And this is her "CHEESE" face