Some days are really hard, harder than most. When Ron's gone life takes on a "new" normal. Which mostly involves me hiding from the kids while they run around crazy, and then MEAN mommy comes out of her hiding place and the kids are running and screaming for another reason. Loneliness is the hardest part, and knowing how different the real normal is from the "new" normal. Everything is better when he is home,and when he's not its just..........................
I find myself complaining and being bitter a lot lately. I blame everything that goes wrong on the Army and the fact that Ron is gone all the time. I've heard several Army wives say their husbands are home a year, gone a year. I use to feel so sorry for those women. Now I am one. Heres a recap of our lovely 7 years in the Army
May '02 join Army
August '02-January '03 gone for Basic Training and OCS
*Major events - missed birth of Emma in October
February '03-August'04 stationed at Ft. Bliss
August '04-November '05 - Korea
Nov. '05-June '06 stationed at Ft. Bliss for CCC
*Major events - made Captain, and pregnant with Tess
July'06-August '07 stationed at Ft. Drum
*Major events - birth of Tess in December
August '07-October '08 - Iraq
October '08 - December '09 stationed at Ft. Drum
December '09- ? Iraq again
So I get pretty bitter and angry most days about my life. How its not at all what I wanted or still want for me or my kids. I hear myself thinking that "if my husband were just home, I could do x, x, and x!" Then I realize how incredibly awful that sounds. How many amazing single moms are out there that still manage to live their best life and make their dreams come true. Why can't I? I'm still desperately trying to find my way on this one. A few things I know for sure are: I HATE who I become when Ron is gone, I HATE the mom that I am when Ron is gone, my kids deserve better than this, and I have to find a way to make things better for all of us.
I just don't know how. And I really don't know how while Ron is in the Army.
6 comments:
I would say, poor girl, but I can't. You are a strong woman and can do this. Your husband is making a great sacrifice for our country, and you are making one involuntarily for your family. I know it's hard, but you have to hang in there! You are a great mom, and even though he's not around, you are just noticing how much more you have to take on and it probably stresses you out. Your kids love you and look up to you for strength...keep showing them how amazing you really are! And do something fun for yourself too! Love ya!
You are a strong woman and can do this. Your husband is making a great sacrifice for our country, and you are making one involuntarily for your family.
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Jhon
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Thank you, Grace, to you and your family.
Grace, you are an amazing woman...I look up to you in more ways than you know, especially as a mother of four children. I appreciate your honesty, everyone feels like this at times and every Mom has room for lots of improvement...just keep trying each day and do not forget why you're doing ALL this.
You don't give yourself enough credit Grace! You are a great mom and doing the absolute best you can under the circumstances. And there are millions of us out there who will be eternally grateful for men like your husband who are willing to fight for our country and for women like you who are willing to stay behind and take care of their families and support their men. I admire you for what you do, I know I couldn't do it!
You are a very powerful woman Grace to recognize how you feel! I can totally understand and relate to how you feel, you are not alone in feeling this way! I don't think it really gets any easier-you just learn that you can't change that they are gone, you have to deal with it and then make the decision that you aren't going to let it drag you down. Thankfully we only have 7 1/2 years left:)
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